- WiFi: connected
- Me: then fucking act like it
Dakarai Molokomme, a 15-year-old starving child from a small village in Zimbabwe, has just told Madonna, one of the most famous pop stars in the world, to go and f*** herself, the local media are reporting exclusively.
“Yes, it’s true, I told Madonna to go f*** herself. Do you want to know why?” Dakarai asked. “It’s the same thing every time with these snobby rich Americans. Every once in a while they come to show us their support for the so-called eradication of poverty by adopting a child from a starving family, but they actually do more harm than good. Transracial international adoptions are part of the white savior industrial complex,” Dakarai explained.
In further discussions with journalists from the media, the kid stated that “none of the children here actually want to be taken away from their family and friends so they can be displayed as some kind of trophy in the homes of self-righteous singers or actors who want to score some points with the media and Oprah.”
“If they really want to help us, they should get Big Pharma to ship us some anti-retroviral drugs for the AIDS epidemic, or build schools and hospitals. If they don’t want to do that, then they can all go f** themselves!” the child told reporters.
The 15-year-old also stated that he would say the same thing to any one of those American or European “faux humanitarian posers”, except for Bono, whom he said he would also kick in the groin.
“Bono’s efforts to save the African savage from itself prove that the colonial imperative is alive and well,” Dakarai said as he walked with other village children collecting sticks to build a tree fort.
THIS IS THE RAWEST 15 YEAR OLD ALIVE
Ares is well-known as the god of war, but we can get more specific than that. War has been a primary obsession of the human race for thousands of years, and there’s room for more than one divine aspect within its terrifying depths; Ares, specifically, was the Greek god of savagery, violence, and bloodlust in battle.
While Athena (Ares’ sister) was a goddess of war, she was seen as the patron of tactics, discipline, camaraderie, and victory. She got the best of her frenzied brother in the Trojan war, and was more widely worshipped, being seen as less destructive and murderous. If wanton death and viciousness is your thing, send Ares a prayer or two. And also stay away from people, because you’re probably a dangerous lunatic.